So it happened – the first best friend I made in Shanghai - Ana - just left China. After all our shenanigans, our crazy, sleepless trips to Hong Kong, our sexy picture posing classes and more ( which one day will make it into my book), my favorite life mentor decided her mission in the Middle Kingdom is over. Her story will continue most probably in Mexico. But before she left, Ana finished her adventure in Shanghai eating an epic last supper with a circle of girlfriends. When Ana's sister asked her how she pictured the very last night, Ana unhesitatingly replied ‘Just our old school style – street BBQ, chaomian and beers’. So 11 laowai girls and one representative of China ended up sitting by self arranged ( well, ok – with a bit of assistance of shao – kao’s shifu and his ‘equipment) tables on tiny stools in the center of French concession.There was no foreign or local passerby who walked past us without a mesmerized facial expression. But to us it felt just right, and we made sure to perpetuate the moments from different angles and positions with our smart phones and a selfie stick.
The next day, I came to work suffering from a lack of my 7 – hour beauty sleep and feeling a bit down. Although Ana was already in flight, I felt closure after posting pics of our Last Supper on WeChat. As soon as my new Chinese colleague spotted them, she commented ’Ohh, Gosia! You girls are女汉子 - nü han zi ! I love this word! You should write about it next time!’ I answered, a bit confused, ‘Yyyy, but why? I have heard this word and as far as I remember it labeled a creepy picture of something that has a girl’s face attached to a man’s muscular torso and allegedly it’s a snapshot of a female Russian body builder contestant?! And look at all the girls in my picture?! All of us are rocking very feminine looks!’ My colleague Echo replied- ‘Oh, yes – it started like this, but now it also describes girls acting like boys – very independent and doing things like drinking beer right from the bottle’. Perplexed, I said ‘All right, thank you for inspiration!’ and went to dig deeper to check if me and all other participants of Ana’s last supper could really be seen as 女汉子 - nü han zi – which is the Chinese counterpart of ’ tomboy.’
女(nü) means’ a woman,’ and 汉子(han zi) stands for ‘man,fellow’. Further ‘study’ revealed why my colleague and probably all Chinese people passing us that night might have thought ‘These laowai girls are such nü hàn zi!’ Turns out nowadays a ‘tomboy’ in China is the total opposite of the traditional ‘soft and submissive’ Chinese female – she is firm , decisive, open-minded, independent and responsible. And in modern China such ladies are on the rise – they are highly educated, highly paid and highly independent. In big cities dominated by men, they compete on equal terms. Work hard and play hard. And although already in their late 20s or even 30s, they are very frequently unattached, belting out Queen B ’Up in the club, just broke up, doing their own little thing’ . There is even a list of 20 items that make a girl a true nü han zi, and according to some anonymous source, if you meet 10 of them, then nü han zi you are! I checked carefully, and to be precise, I meet 9, including things like : eating an apple with the peel on, carrying my own luggage while traveling, and ordering big portions of food even in the presence of men ( and if I am super hungry, I won’t even let them sample it!) But I fail to meet criteria like #8 (She loves playing computer/online games), #13 (She thinks it’s a hassle to go shopping), or #14 (She seldom visits hair salons, nail salons and beauty salons).
I remember my grandma always told me that ‘a girl should be able to pray, dance and be tough if necessary’. I grew up in Poland, which underwent 3 partitions and a bout of martial law. Although I didn’t experience those times myself, they certainly did influence older generations. So my grandmother taught me that a woman should be prepared for any circumstances, but that doesn’t make her any less attractive.
That’s why I probably always end up surrounded by nü hàn zi from all over the world: either they are the wives of fishing boat captains with great hammer–wielding skills; seemingly fragile painters who put you at a loss for words after telling you ’If you upset my friend, I will make your life f….ing miserable’; chemical engineers who, in reference to relationship issues ,say ‘If he turns out to be an ass again, tell him I can make a person disappear and nobody knows what happened’; or fearless businesswomen who decide to change their whole life and celebrate it unscrewing a beer bottle with perfectly manicured red nails. I am proud to be their friend and proud to be ‘almost’ nü hàn zi. I bet my grandma would be too.