First and foremost, apologies for such a long break. But as schools worldwide dust off their books and backpacks again, so do we begin again our weekly course of the most essential Chinese vocabulary. And to make up for neglecting your Mandarin education this summer, I will let you in on one of my secrets today. Well, actually I share this one with my circle of girlfriends, but since I am the originator of this ‘idea,’ I have the right to decide its destiny. Especially when it comes to sacrificing it for a good cause!
Alright, here it comes. Just a short intro first. My friends and I like to talk about sex and we do it quite often, just as all normal, healthy women tend to. BUT! When in a public setting, we decided to use a different name for it. And thanks to the funny incident back in a hostel in Chengdu, I had an elegant solution. While in Panda kingdom, I met one determined guy, who would keep asking me ‘Do you want to go and watch a movie with me in my room?’ When I kept refusing, he was trying to convince me that the movie would be really good and reiterated ‘Let’s watch a movie!’ (albeit, no title was forthcoming!). That line was so memorable, that it would be a disservice to let it be forgotten. That’s why I was really glad that my suggestion to replace the standard question ‘So did you have sex?’ with ‘So did you watch a movie?’ was unanimously and cheerfully approved. For three years since its inception, I had been so proud of my genius for euphemism ( ok, not mine, but successfully promoted by me)but, my research into Chinese slang proved once again that nothing, not even my creativity, can beat the ingenuity of Zhongguo hua. Just take a look at the 6 best phrases I found, to see how miserably I compare:
1) 干 柴烈火 gānchái liè huǒ
My favorite, hot and to the point.. Here’s the scenario – you feel such a desire towards another person that it seems like you are both on fire. Just kissing produces flying sparks and you can barely stop yourselves from tearing each other’s clothes to pieces, even in the middle of a busy street. What words could better describe this than dry wood and raging/blazing fire – the literal translation of gānchái liè huǒ.
2) 巫山 云 雨 Wū shān yún yǔ
Allegedly a Chinese classic with royal origins. Once upon a time there was a king, Chuhai, who set off on a journey to the Yangtze river. His final destination turned out to have an intriguing name – Rainclouds over Wushan. Tired after the long journey, the king took a nap. And as any healthy man does, he dreamed of a fair lady. His temptress introduced herself as a Wushan local and innocently offered a pillow and a mat. However, they were NOT JUST sleeping accessories. In fact, not AT ALL meant for sleep. After the proper use of the mat and pillow, the elusive lover didn’t make it easy for the king by just leaving her wechat ( let’s learn, ladies!). Instead, the local told the monarch that if he ever wanted to see her again, he should remember this phrase ‘Wushan –clouds in the morning, rain in the evening’. Whether the King chased the girl or it was only a one night stand remains unclear. But for sure that very close encounter resulted in the poetic expression- Wū shān yún yǔ – ‘Rainclouds over Wushan’
3) 男欢 女爱 nán huān nǚ ài .
Sex is fun and that’s why it can be described by this idiom nán huān nǚ ài – which literally means ‘man happy woman love’ ( although a bit too stereotypical, indicating that a guy is just chilled while the woman obviously brings more emotions, depriving her of the right to just having sheer joy. Well, China is a very traditional country, after all ). No fancy story here.
4) 发生关系 fā shēng guān xì
Very spontaneous one. 发生 - fā shēng means happen/occur and 关系 Is one of the most crucial words in China - guān xì – relationship. And good news for those who consider talking about sex inappropriate - fā shēng guān xì is a very formal expression - perfect for post weekend office conversations, I would say.
5) 那个 nà ge
Literally, simply ….’’. You know, just do it – just ‘’.
6) 我们 一起 去 优衣库 吧 wǒ men yī qǐ qùyǒu youyiku bā
Even if you left China recently, your friends no doubt informed you of how one certain clothing chain and one particular changing room gained notoriety this summer. That’s why now you must be careful of who you are addressing when you say wǒ men yīqǐ qù youyiku bā – ‘Let’s go to Uniqlo’
There you go! Not only did I sacrifice my ‘movie watching’ but also all the best Chinese idioms to enrich or disguise your conversations about the pleasures of the flesh.
When I told one of my friends I would reveal our top secret ‘movie’ code, she seemed seriously bothered ‘Oh, great! So what are we going to use now, since everyone will know?!huh?!’ Well, I thought of a few ways:
#1 Not talk about it in public ( impossible as it may seem)
#2 Keep using ‘watch a movie’, but since the secret is out, so would our reputation be in public places (but I will miss that moment when the second, confirming question always comes – ‘Wait , so did you watch an actual movie or a movie movie?’
#3 Go figure something new, but will be a tough one. ‘Rainclouds over Wushan’, ‘THAT’ ‘ ‘dry wood and blazing fire’ – the bar is quite high! Still, I am up for the challenge!
So?! Any suggestions?!