Last week, the same day my previous episode was released, I attended Shanghai Hunter’s F&B ( Food and Beverages’ – if you were about to scratch your head) gathering .The tradition is that before the gluttonous feast begins, you have to introduce yourself and explain how you earned your way in to this discerning circle of people. So I talked up my blog briefly and was just about to approach that tempting plate of guacamole, when I heard laoban Ada tag my speech ‘Yes, this is Gosia and she writes SEX IN TRANSLATION ! ’ (yes, after all, food and sex always match, right?!) Well, with that description, my trajectory changed to the wine bar to digest this ‘new’ fame. And I started deliberating about what to write about from then on. I am already constantly disappointing 99,97% of the population in China who think I am Russian (and the line ‘My parents are not either!’ makes it even more brutally disenchanting) , so at least I will let Found in translation live up to the expectations after Ada made it so official.
Alright, in that case - let’s talk about sex in Mandarin again! You never know who you might get attracted to and if it happens that our ‘movie watching’ partner is not a fluent English speaker, better not rely just on body language. Efficient communication is the key! Here’s what you should remember (or at least screenshot it! ;)
1) 好 舒服 - hǎo shū fu
Even if it’s your first day in China, you know that 好 舒服 好 舒服
2) 用力操我 - yònglì cào wǒ
Different people have different tastes…in different fields. But I bet that from time to time everyone is keen on..let’ssay ‘changing the pace’ of action to make it, well – rough….Therefore try to memorize this line. 用力 yònglì stands for ‘put forth one’s strength’ and if you were diligently studying the first season of ’Found in translation’ you should already be more than familiar with the character ‘操- cào – f #*k.
3) 我喜欢 你的大 鸡巴 /小 逼 - wǒ xǐ huan nǐ de dà jība/xiǎobī
When this ‘relationship happens’ (if you don’t know what I mean, go back to last episode!)it might be good to give each other some compliments. However,not necessarily about the power of your intellect or eye color. Some psychologists strongly recommend to get rid of all your socially imposed constraints, so bring it on! Girls should remember 我喜欢你的大鸡巴我喜欢 你的 小 逼
4) 就 这 样 jiù zhèyàng
You like it, you say it! Make sure to clearly convey it to your partner and the easiest way to do so is the expression ‘ –
5) 不要停 bù yào ting
Finally, as we all know, all good things must come to an end…BUT! Sometimes maybe we can extend their duration. Then your key order would be 不要 bù yào – don’t 停 ting – stop! Easy, short but with the proper tone might turn out powerful!
‘Good sex is built on the feeling of freedom and buoyant self confidence’ ( I wish I made this line up, but just borrowed it from one of the videos by ‘School of life’ –cool Youtube channel recently recommended by a friend). And I think that the ability to express your needs is vital to gain the latter. Still, I was worried if today’s topic doesn’t go one step too far, but what are friends and their opinions for! I consulted my favorite Chinese slang source (who is my contributor for this one as well) – Marilyn. When I said ‘Don’t you think it might be, hmm..too much?’ - She immediately exclaimed ‘We all say that in bed! Like the basic sex talk!’ That was pretty convincing, because I thought to myself – ‘Well, she is right – ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!